


I Will Follow You Into The Dark

by fishcollective



Series: We found love where it wasn't supposed to be [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Death, Hurts So Good, Husbands, M/M, Memories
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-07
Updated: 2017-11-07
Packaged: 2019-01-30 20:25:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12660789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fishcollective/pseuds/fishcollective
Summary: Jace is dying, and Alec keeps vigil.They have been married for 25 years.It’s okay.





	I Will Follow You Into The Dark

**Author's Note:**

> I meant to write a short bittersweet thing with this same ending. Something kinda cute but also heartbreaking. It evidently got away from me and at least tripled in size, and in angst. But I would still call it bittersweet.

 

It has been a long few weeks with Jace steadily getting worse. What started as a slight cough has settled deep in his lungs, and his skin has taken on somewhat of a translucent quality. They never managed to find out what caused it, and none of the healing runes have had any lasting effect. The Silent Brothers have come and gone, and all Alec has been able to do is activate his husband’s iratze at regular intervals to keep the pain at bay. He can feel that their time is running out. 

But they have had a good life, together. Inseparable since childhood, Alec had fought the feelings he had for his foster brother and later parabatai for years. It was not proper, to be in love with either, but it wasn’t as if Alec could really help it. The heart wants what the heart wants. Jace had seemed utterly oblivious to Alec’s feelings for a long time, but eventually something had begun to shift. Alec could never really put a finger on when or how, but one thing lead to another and one morning he had just woken up in the arms of his parabatai, having broken all laws governing their sacred bond. And yet, he couldn’t regret it for a second. Not then, not now. They had explored their relationship in secret at first but when their feelings only grew deeper there was no hiding it anymore. With the Clave falling apart and being rebuilt into something different and new, there was really no one to exact punishment on them once their changed relationship became evident. And so, a few years after the Dark War, Alec and Jace had gotten married. The laws against such unions were said to be in place to mitigate the risk of the couple falling out of love and the strain that would put on their parabatai bond. But there were also rumours that instead the two involved would become so in tune with each other that they would gain something close to magical abilities. They had both scoffed at the notion, and now, decades later, they were living proof that as long as the love lasts, nothing else should stand in the way of parabatai becoming lovers. 

 

The first week or so after they realised that Jace was really sick they spent frantically searching for a cure. But as remedy after desperate remedy failed, Jace eventually decided it was simply his time to go. It took Alec some convincing of course, but they finally just settled in for the wait. 

“I always thought we would die in battle you know?” Jace had said one day between coughing fits. 

“Me too,” Alec had replied while fussing with the tea he was making to ease some of Jace’s discomfort. 

“And long ago. We’re old now. How did we get this lucky?”

Alec hadn’t noticed that Jace had gotten out of bed, and was startled as he felt arms snake around his waist and Jace resting his face against his shoulder. He had gently pried the fingers laced over his stomach loose, and turned to face his husband. He couldn’t even fake a scowl and just ended up smiling fondly at Jace.

“You shouldn’t be up. Now let’s get back to bed.”

“If you insist,” Jace had said with a wry smile and glinting eyes. That he could even flirt at a time like this astounded Alec. 

“You are hopeless,” he had chuckled while leading Jace away from the small kitchen. 

But he had been right. They have been lucky. Most shadowhunters don’t even live to see forty, at least not if they remain on active field duty for long. Both Alec and Jace had been among the fighting elite for many years, never backing away and always putting their life on the line for everyone else. They were at the front of two great wars, even leading some of the charge. By all accounts they shouldn’t be even close to going grey or waiting for news on great nieces and nephews. Yet here they are. 

However, once they had retired and moved back to Idris, Alec had started to entertain the idea of a long and boring life with his husband. One with lazy mornings that are never stained with ichor, and warm evenings with no alerts or call to arms. And for a time his wish had been granted. The New York institute was in good hands with Clary and Isabelle at the helm, their daughters being groomed to take over soon enough. They could relax, only going into shadowhunter politics when absolutely necessary, and not touching a seraph blade for months on end. Alec had hoped that they would be some of the lucky few who got to actually grow properly old, not just middle aged. Alas, that has all turned to dust. 

 

The last couple of days have seen a steady stream of friends and family coming to say goodbye. The last, of course, were Clary and Isabelle who came by that very same morning with their daughters. Both Lynne and Cecilia had grown into strong beautiful women, just like their mothers. And to Jace and Alec’s great surprise, Lynne was about to become a mother herself. So it was a morning of tears and smiles. Of congratulations and of goodbyes. And now they too were gone. Alec has had the rest of the afternoon and evening to just snuggle up to Jace. To make sure he is comfortable at the end. And to try to just breathe. 

While growing weaker by the hour, Jace has still remained perfectly lucid. They have talked about old memories and of the future of their sisters and nieces. They’ve talked about love, and loss, and everything in between. 

Alec remembers the first time Jace died. They weren’t together then, not like this. But a parabatai bond transcends even love, and when it breaks… Alec doesn’t like to think about it. They were the worst moments of his life, but as he saw his parabatai whole and alive on the shore of that dark Idris lake, and held him close, he decided to try to forget. Forget the pain, forget the emptiness. Back then he thought it was just a blip, that maybe he’d been mistaken. But he should’ve known better. Jace of course told him what had happened eventually, and Alec knew that what he felt had been real. He had lost Jace, and he swore he would never do so again. And he held that promise, for almost three decades. 

He fears it will hurt again. This time maybe more so with all their history and double bonds. His distress must be showing in his face, because Jace places an all too pale hand on Alec’s cheek. 

“I’m so sorry...”

“Oh honey, what do you have to apologise for?” Alec leans into the touch. 

“For leaving you. Again. And... you said it hurt so much last time.”

”I will be okay. I promise.” He turns his face and kisses the palm of Jace’s hand. “And you, you’re the one who’s been hurting. How are you feeling right now? Do I need to activate the iratze again?”

Jace shakes his head almost imperceptibly and smiles his winning crooked smile. It’s a weak one but it dazzles Alec just the same. 

“Don’t worry about me, I’ve never felt better.”

Alec knows it’s a lie, but he smiles back. It’s a sad smile. One full of regret for the future they’ve lost. He shakes his head. 

“Stubborn to the very last.”

 

Alec gets into the bed and positions himself with his back to the headboard and pulls Jace into his lap. With a satisfied sigh Jace lets his head fall back onto Alec’s chest, and when he looks up he’s met by deep brown eyes looking down at him and then a kiss on the forehead. A lock of Alec's dark steel grey hair falls forward and Jace can’t help but play with it. He chuckles.

“Do you remember that one time in Providence? I woke you up with my singing and then got flour in your hair. It looked a bit like this.”

Alec smiles fondly.

“Of course I remember.”

The two of them had been hunting a pack of hellhounds up the coast, and with the mission over but no way to portal home, they had stayed over night at the apartment of one of Clary’s old mundane friends who was gone for the weekend. It wasn’t actually the singing that had woken Alec up that morning. He had rolled over in bed and found the other side cold and empty. Silently padding towards the kitchen he had stopped dead in the doorway by the sight of Jace — dressed only in a pair of lounge pants riding low on his hips. He had his back turned, and was making what later had turned out to be pancakes. And he was singing. While Alec had always found his voice beautiful, Jace had chosen the most stupid song to welcome the morning with. Something about demon pox and gloating. When he was about to start singing it all over again Alec had intervened by sweeping him into a deep kiss. Jace’s fingers tangled in his hair had left streaks of flour throughout, but Alec hadn’t minded one bit.

“That was the day I decided I had to marry you.”

“Was it? I don’t think you ever told me that.”

“It’s true. I saw you stand there, bathed in morning sunlight while making a big mess, and I thought that I had to have you in my life forever. Not just as my parabatai, but as my husband.”

Jace twists in Alec’s arms so that they’re face to face. Once again he reaches up to tread his fingers through Alec’s hair and kisses him. Not a kiss as deep or passionate as that morning in a stranger’s kitchen, but one full of love and memories.

“Will you sing for me?” Jace’s face is serious as they part — the mirth from recalling the long ago memory faded and replaced by fatigue. 

“You know I’m no singer…” Alec starts to protest. Jace has always been the one with the voice and musical talent. 

“Please, just this once?”

And of course Alec could never deny Jace anything, especially not now. So, with a low voice, he starts singing. 

_We said we'd walk together baby come what may_  
_That come the twilight should we lose our way_  
_If as we're walking a hand should slip free_  
_I'll wait for you_  
_And should I fall behind_  
_Wait for me_

“You’re a liar Alexander Lightwood. Your voice is beautiful.” Jace says with heavy eyelids and a small smile.

“You’re just saying that because you’re stuck with me forever.”

“Mmm, that I am. And I wouldn’t change it for the world.”

 

Jace can’t seem to keep his eyes open for very long, and his voice starts to drift. He swallows. 

“I’m sorry, I’m just getting so tired”

“Shhh. It’s okay. Sleep.”

Alec tries to keep the tears that have been building from falling, but he fails. He slides out from behind him, places a gentle kiss on Jace’s lips and pulls the covers tighter around his husband. 

“I love you. So much,” he whispers.

Jace’s eyes flutter open, just for an instant, as he mumbles a reply.

“I love you too.”

And as his eyes close once more Alec knows, in his heart, that they will never open again.

 

Alec sits with him for what must be hours, just watching the slow rise and fall of his husband’s chest. At some point during the night he dares to lift the covers and gently coax Jace’s hand out from under them. He just needs to hold it, and that’s worth the risk of disturbing the poor man. But Jace doesn’t even stir.

Jace’s breathing, while steady, grows more and more shallow. He doesn’t seem to struggle or hurt, he is simply… slipping. And then, the next breath doesn’t come. Jace’s chest stops its gentle heaves, and his heart stills. And Alec doesn’t feel… anything. There is no searing hot pain in his chest. No claws tearing at his insides trying to force him asunder. Nothing hurts. There is only a gentle tugging. It is as if someone tied a string around his soul, and is now pulling it taught. 

He strokes a few strands of dull blonde hair, with just light streaks of grey, from Jace’s face. It’s a beautiful face, even all these years later. Even in death. Alec has been letting the tears fall when they may during the night, but there are no more left. Instead there is just peace.

With remarkably steady hands Alec lifts the covers and slides into the bed next to Jace. He nestles in close, putting his arms around the still body, holding him tight. Placing a kiss on his temple, Alec lets his face rest there, just as he always used to do whenever Jace needed comfort. He closes his eyes and focuses on the low burning light inside and the insistent tugging at his soul.

 

“Yes honey, I’m right behind you.”

 

And as the early spring dawn crept into their warm bedroom, Alec Gideon Lightwood followed his husband into the dark.

**Author's Note:**

> I’m sorry. I keep killing Jace, I know. At least this time it was nicer? Maybe? A little less painful at least? They’re not separated… 
> 
> And a game you can play: find the two lines I stole from two separate other death scenes (one in my favourite show of all time, and another from a show I used to really love as well)!
> 
> When I decided that I had to have Alec sing a bit it took a while to find the perfect song. Obviously it’s tempting to use the title song (for once I had the title right form the start) but singing “Love of mine, someday you will die” to your husband on his deathbed doesn’t exactly feel appropriate. 
> 
> I might’ve accidentally opened up a can of possibilities for future fic… shit.


End file.
